Archive for the ‘Parenting for Peace’ Category
I’m picking up the thread from my last post, about how too much information and too many choices contribute to Supermom feeling overwhelmed rather than sane and centered. In an era when the world generates more information in 48 hours than it did through all of human history up until 2003 (!!), I’d like us to consider the possibility that our sophisticated technology and information-gathering prowess might have had a direct evolutionary purpose — and I’m not referring to us evolving into 24/7 extensions of our iTwitterFaceLinkInPod cyber-screens. (In fact, that is a direct contributor to our stress…but that’s another post. Keep an eye out for that, coming soon!)
Putting This SuperPickle Into Perspective
It’s no wonder we haven’t yet gotten this parenting thing right as a human race. (more…)
Tags: California Women's Conference, feminism, information overload, supermom, technology, women's movement
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It seems epidemic these days: an undercurrent of anxiety thrums at the heart of parenting. Do you perpetually feel like you’re a just a little behind the 8-ball, missing some crucial opportunity that’s going to put your child behind? Yikes, we didn’t play Mozart through speakers on our pregnant belly, we didn’t use the latest pre-reading iPad app, we didn’t get in on that whiz-bang college-prep (or high-school prep, or for that matter, pre-school prep) program!
If this rings a bell, I feel nothing but compassion for you. We’ve all been conditioned to jump (or get jumpy) when the endless smorgasbord of choices glistens before us, beckoning with a glut of possibilities for that perfect something that will fill in the gaps of our insufficiency. (more…)
Tags: calm authority, information overwhelm, parent confidence, parental anxiety, stress, supermom
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When talking to children about tragic events, understanding individual temperament can be a great help. In my earlier 9/11 post, I focused mainly on two important aspects for the parent:
- the fundamental need for some measure of self-possession and calm amidst outer events
- a level of honesty and clarity in speaking to the child about the events that is not the norm in our culture
Especially related to that second point — honesty and clarity for the child — I want to dive a bit deeper and look at the importance of knowing your individual child, and letting that understanding guide you with more specificity and nuance when navigating the delicate territory of tragedy with them. {Read the rest of this post at mothering.com}
Image by:
obbino (Flickr / Creative Commons)
Tags: talking to children, temperaments, tragic events, trauma
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Eleven years since 9/11.
Eleven years ago last night, our daughter Eve — then ten years old — was so excited that the next morning she was going to wake up by herself for the very first time, using the radio alarm clock we had given her for the occasion. She chose the station carefully (classical was it? maybe soft pop?), but when the radio clicked on at six a.m. in her Los Angeles bedroom it wasn’t music that woke her up. The second plane had just hit its target. Nobody yet had clarity on what was happening, let alone the news media. A fragmented noise skein of unfathomable facts, disbelief, sorrow, and fear came out of the radio that morning. {Read the rest of this post at mothering.com}
Tags: 9/11, fear, honesty, reassurance, tragedy, trust
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Embracing the Flow
by Stephanie Evans Hanson
• Hello. My name is Stephanie, and I am a “Present Past Perfectionist.” Admission is the first step, right? Left unchecked, this is how my brain typically works: I wake up each morning with a to do list in my head, constantly thinking about the next item I need to complete. I move through the day accomplishing one task after the other, trying to keep up with the daily chores that I have to do, as well as the projects that I invent for myself. (more…)
Tags: anxiety, overachiever, perfectionism
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One of the most frequent questions I get is, How do I get my child to listen to me? What lingers in the roots just beneath this question is, How do I get her to respect me? The two are intimately entwined. As so often happens with Life’s sticky questions, sometimes we can unstick things a bit by turning the question around: rather than How can I get my child to listen to me, we can get far more traction with How can I make myself more “listenable”?
The fact is, you can never “make” your child do or be anything! Oh sure, we’re lulled into the comforting illusion that we can during the very early years, when their sheer existence and protection depends upon us in very basic ways (not to mention we’re way bigger than them!). (more…)
Tags: adolescence, bossiness, discipline, meditation, respect, teens
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A paradox: our culture is rabidly preoccupied with physical form, and we bully our forms mercilessly so they’ll conform to truly weird standards…and yet we don’t respect or even have much understanding of the central role our bodies play in shaping our basic experience of life. Here are five empowering insights into how our bodies fundamentally shape our lives; use them to literally be happier, and to help your children thrive in an era in which our disrespect for the life of the body may be putting them at great risk.
1. The body is the first to know — The first three facts here were inspired by a fascinating RadioLab episode entitled “Where Am I?” featuring famed neurologists Robert Sapolsky and Antonio Damasio. For sake of dramatic illustration they use the example of walking into a friend’s house and finding him…dead. Many nanoseconds before your brain registers what’s happening and you experience feelings (terror, disbelief, sadness, etc.), your body (with the help of your most primitive, reptilian brain structures) reads the situation and undergoes instantaneous physiological changes: heartbeat and respiration quicken, pupils and capillaries dilate, blood pressure goes up. This produces instant sensations. The brain responds to those sensations with corresponding feelings. {Read more at mothering.com}
Tags: autonomic nervous system, body, early academics, early childhood education, emotions, feelings, mind-body, sensation seeking, sensory processing disorder, tattoos, wellbeing
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Along with the cascade of benefits that most Mothering readers already know comes with vaginal birth, new research from Yale has identified yet another: vaginal birth triggers the expression of a protein in baby’s brain cells that optimizes development of the hippocampus — an area central to such “complex behaviors in the adult” as learning, memory, and stress response. C-section delivery may actually impair this protein’s expression.
I find it of interest that earlier this year another study came out linking early nurturing by mothers with larger hippocampal regions in school-aged children. And while the Yale study is very preliminary — using mice, not humans — to me it all points to a notion I hold dear: Nature has an elegant plan for the unfolding of optimal human intelligence (including the required brain structures to mediate that intelligence), and it involves such quaintly natural things as birthing through the birth canal and letting mothers closely nurture their young ones! {Please continue reading at mothering.com}
Tags: birth, brain development, breast milk, breastfeeding, C-section, vaginal birth
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Four Ideas for Simplifying Life While Enriching Education
I’ll start by apologizing for even mentioning the BTS-word while summer is still (imho) in full flower. But by now it’s a quaint, old-fashioned notion that vacation extends until Labor Day — ha! These days some students have to devote that three-day weekend to cranking out their first papers or projects.
In my day [best stated in crochety, old-lady voice], we were very excited for back-to-school, in large part, I think, because summer’s pace was soooooo much slower than it tends to be these days. There weren’t all the summer programs, the series of vacations, the catch-up tutoring. There were long, hot days filled with swimming, catching pollywogs, reading comics and Nancy Drew, and walking to the corner store for candy. Maybe a horseback riding or dance lesson sprinkled in occasionally, or a family outing to the river. Rinse and repeat, for 75 days, and you are ready for the refreshing rigor of school. {Read more at mothering.com}
Tags: art, back-to-school, education, extracurriculars, imagination, media, puberty, simplicity, stress, teens
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Like so many of you, I’ve been stunned and saddened over the carnage in Aurora last weekend. I cannot shape my mind around any adequate words to address the sense of loss, of anguish, of sorrow — particularly for the families of victims, but also for all of us whose sense of safe-home has been a bit further eroded. Our human instinct is to do something, yet we do not know what.
It reminds me of a parable I share in the epilogue of my book: Three villagers are strolling along the bank of their community’s river, and suddenly to their dismay they see a child, then another, then many children, being swept past them in the water’s swift current. {Read more at mothering.com…}
Tags: Aurora massacre, empathy, James Holmes, mental illness, schizophrenia
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