Archive for the ‘Parenting for Peace’ Category
As long as our country continues to show up so poorly in world rankings on maternal health, I continue to run this article every year on America’s birthday, hoping to illuminate issues around our perceived birth choices. Am I naive in thinking that individual independence around these issues can help pave the way to us being a safer nation for mothers and babies?
It is sad enough that the U.S. sits so poorly in world infant mortality rankings, but a new report published in the prestigious medical journal Lancet and reported in the Washington Post points out that our childbirth-related maternal death rate continues to rise and is at nearly its highest point* in twenty-five years. [*Aside from its sharp spike in 2009 due to the H1N1 influenza virus.] American mothers die in or around childbirth at double the rate they do in Saudi Arabia, and triple the rate of the United Kingdom — and at statistically the same rate as in Iran.
In terms of where it is safest and healthiest to become a mother, America — land of the free and the brave — ranks 60th of 180 nations. In that context, is there any real birth choice?
Okay, now that I’ve totally bummed you out so you feel like you’ve got to reach for an early margarita with a little flag in it, let’s talk about what individual Americans may be able to do to improve the situation. (And even if it doesn’t improve the national situation, it cannot help but to improve your own birthing and parenting wellbeing!) {Grab your marg and read the rest at mothering.com}
Tags: birth, birth technology, EFM, epidural, maternal mortality, Pitocin
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I mean that title as a double-entendre, because this week is steeped in both meanings: I spent a long Father’s Day weekend in San Francisco being an adult child — musing nostalgically around the city and Marin, the landscape of my early childhood — and am now spending a couple of days responding to my grown daughter’s call for Mama time. Childhood is never really over for any of us!
Feeling fancy with John at the S.F. Opera House
While up north spending time with my stepfather, John, I was struck by how vividly present our child-selves can become at any time. The uncannily specific, shockingly reminiscent salt-and-flora scent that wafts through Sausalito and Tiburon… the unmistakable noise-skein of San Francisco streets (cable cars, electric buses, foghorns in the distance)… and the “this is home” sound of John’s bass-baritone voice… all conspired to snag me back to my youth.
I say it often: the trip-wires we all have back to our childhood can be one of the biggest challenges in parenting. We can easily find ourselves responding not as the adults we supposedly are, but as the teen… the tween… the toddler that is suddenly and unexpectedly awakened in us through proximity to reminders of our own past — the most powerful of which is our own children. (more…)
Tags: adult children, childhood history, inner child
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This post features a personal story illustrating what I call “counter-intuitive brilliance.” It’s the story of an interaction between a new father and a new mother. It’s about how to diaper their baby. It’s a conversation that surely takes place alongside the changing table in virtually every home where there are new parents blessed with a newborn. But this conversation went very differently.
First, by way of setting the stage: I recently had the best, juicy conversation with relationship counselor and Becoming Us author Elly Taylor. We talked about some of the common ways that new parenthood takes a toll on marriage. And more importantly, we covered some really practical ways we can ease that toll, and nurture our relationship as much as we nurture our kids!
One of my favorite wise comments from Elly:
“We disconnect in tiny little ways…
we reconnect in tiny little ways…”
Click on the orange arrow for a quick snippet:
Tags: arguments, Fathers-Day, how to diaper, marriage, new father, new parents, power struggle
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A mother’s attachment to her baby begins long before birth. By the last trimester many mothers feel like they know their babies, having been enjoying for months their familiar, reassuring movements in the womb.
But what about men and pregnancy? What are a father’s experiences during those wondrous nine months? How does the attachment process begin for them? Is a father’s only option to look on with wonder (and sometimes envy) at the beautiful relationship forming between his once-doting partner and this tiny interloper?
We bemoan absent fathers, but do we really nurture the seeds of their involvement from the very beginning, when supporting men and pregnancy may lay a critical foundation for later attachment? {Find out the answers to these questions and more — read the rest of this article at mothering.com}
Image:
Lisa Pflaum Photography, used w/ permission
Tags: attachment parenting, fatherhood, fathers, Fathers-Day, pregnancy
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The very word itself… yogini …sounds like the image of Jeannine Parvati Baker in full-flowering asana mastery: lithe stems curling around o-so-full center of heartful breath. At once elfin and elegant. A bold design, a weaver of words. Alive forever in our memory.
This pioneering activist for homebirth, unassisted childbirth and newborn rights would have turned sixty-five this week. Far from retiring, I’m guessing her tireless voice for eco-feminism and reproductive health would be dancing circles with social media. Our wise crone Jeannine Parvati Baker would just be hitting her stride. (more…)
Tags: Babz Covington, conscious fathering, Gloria Lemay, Jeannine Parvati Baker, menstruation, midwife, moon cycles
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The spring season is all about ripeness, fertility and the regeneration of life. These are also the qualities of a woman’s menstrual cycle, and yet we’re not quite as breathlessly delighted for the arrival of our flow as we are for springtime!
But we’d do well to regard our cycle with at least a bit more friendliness: a woman’s attitude toward her menstrual period impacts how she lives, labors and births. And it also helps shape her children’s attitudes about the intimate ecology of woman-power.
The Missing Vagina Monologue
{Read more about this intriguing idea at mothering.com}
Tags: Alisa Vitti, camille paglia, cycles, Dr. Oz, eve ensler, Jackie Guiliano, Jeannine Parvati Baker, menstruation, natural childbirth, period power, PMS, vagina, vagina monologues
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I had three mothers and I needed them all. I’m dedicating this Mother’s Day reflection to all you mamas out there who fill so many roles and wear so many hats in meeting your children’s needs — and you’re just one mother! You are masters of the bob-and-weave, performing complex multi-task maneuvering to cover the many bases required of moms.
My three mothers divvied up the task, though certainly not by design. It just sorta worked out that way.
Liz, My Birthmother
Throughout my childhood, I was matter-of-fact about the idea of having another mother out there somewhere. I remember fantasizing only once or twice that she was really one of my mother’s friends, someone I’d known all along. When my father asked me, soon after my mother died, if I wanted to find my birthmother, my interest blossomed from its dormancy.
Since mine was an independent, open adoption (one of the first ever), there was virtually no “search” required. My birthmother’s name was right there in the San Francisco white pages. I don’t really remember what Liz and I talked about during that first phone call. I was floating through an unreal place, and our mundane chit-chat felt surreal in juxtaposition. The bottom line was the setting of our blind date. {Read on at mothering.com}
Tags: adoption, biograph, Marcy Axness, Marin County
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It seem that we moms are always seeking more of something: more harmony with our children, more calm & confidence in our parenting, more connection with our partner, more uninterrupted sleep. (That last one is its own entire book, but…) You can get surprising traction on the rest by putting the power of example to work for you in a few simple ways!
Example — principle #4 of Parenting for Peace — is the ultimate mode of teaching and learning. Meaning, we are most influenced by example. In my book I focus mostly on ways to teach and influence your child through your own example, but let’s zoom out one step and use example to influence YOU. (Which, in a sneaky twist of paradox, is truly the best way to influence others!) {Read on at mothering.com}
Tags: example, influence, learning, mothering hack, parent confidence, simplicity, teaching
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I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” So very true!
Children feed on our consciousness, so our mood state becomes the unspoken (but potent) back-beat for everything that takes place between us and them. The more we can nurture ourselves, the more easeful our day-to-day life with our children becomes — and the more healthy their development! Here are three simple ways to nurture yourself. {Read about them at mothering.com}
Tags: better parenting, happy mother, joy, nurture, simplicity
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One fundamental intention in parenting for peace is to foster trust and hope within your child from the very beginning. When we nurture trust in our children’s souls, it can unfold into an unending arc of confidence — in themselves, in you, in their fellow humans, in Life.
By trust I mean a calm reliance upon things that you cannot necessarily perceive much less control. (What a quaint notion in this era when we can perceive pretty much everything by virtue of our many technological devices!)
Insecurity, the antithesis of trust, carries a scent akin to fear — it repels and undermines the connection and collaboration required to be a person of peace and innovation. By contrast, trust is the great attractor; it is possible to tame the most powerful forces simply with deep and abiding trust.
But how do we foster trust within our children if we ourselves suffer from a drastic lack of trust? After all, our children learn mostly from how we are rather than things we say. Here are a few tried and true ways to fill your inner reservoir of trust. {Read more at mothering.com}
Tags: confidence, insecurity, simplicity, stress, surrender, trust, worry
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