Have you seen the commercial where the mom is reading Curious George (off a screen, natch) to her curious young daughter? Then the curious little girl interrupts to ask the screen (Google’s version of Siri) “How many miles from the earth to the moon?” — and of course the screen delivers the dry mileage fact in a voice similarly soulless to Siri’s. Again I feel the need to shout from the rooftops that we thwart rather than foster our young child’s intelligence when we overlook the connection between wonder and brainpower. (more…)
Archive for the ‘Parenting for Peace’ Category
Birth in 4012
Michael Stark, Jackie Chang, Jan Tritten, Robbie Davis-Floyd, Sarah Buckley, Peggy O’Mara, Sara Wickham, Lesley Page
A panel of some of the world’s leading experts on birth shared the stage at the close of last month’s Mid-Pacific Conference on Birth and Primal Health. Their assignment? Offer a vision of birth in 4012.
Here sitting at one table were such folks as Peggy O’Mara, Sarah Buckley, Robbie Davis-Floyd, Michel Odent and other heavy-hitters in the birth world — including the president of the Royal College of Midwives, Lesley Page, and Michael Stark, president of the New European Surgical Academy and “father” of the Misgav Ladach method for Cesarean section. With a gathering like that, you’re going to hear many intriguing ideas about how birth will evolve in the next two millenia.
Some visions of birth in 4012 were inspiring, some were challenging, one was utterly bleak. But the most stunning moment emerged when Laura Uplinger came to the podium. Laura is a world citizen who has spent most of her adult life devoted to sharing education about the power of prenatal life. (She had spent most of this conference in a booth tirelessly translating dozens of talks from English into Spanish for the large South American contingent of attendees.)
Laura closed the panel with a vivid portrait of the future of as if she were reporting from that future. (more…)
Does Praising Children Build Self-Esteem?
Somewhere along the way it became generally assumed that praise builds self-esteem, leading to the daily parental litany of “Nice job!” and “Great throw!” and “Gorgeous painting!” and on and on ad nauseum. Pundits call it “affirmation” and “positive feedback.” B.F. Skinner called it “positive reinforcement.” Does praising children really build their self-esteem, as many people assume it does? Or does it erode their intrinsic motivation, pleasure and self-satisfaction? (more…)
A Personal Note of Blessing
Bidding my U.S. readers a Happy Thanksgiving! And to the rest of you, blessings on you just because! I’m taking off today to care for my home (such a nicer way to put it than “clean the house”) and begin kitchen prep. Then four days of cooking, eating and…being. A little slowing down and being with. Myself and others.
Anne will have a fuller plate this visit!
Last year was the first time in my life I spent Thanksgiving on my own. As somewhat sad as it was to anticipate that, once the day arrived, it was actually rather enchanting. I cooked myself a feast and spent time on the phone with several dear friends over the course of the day. That said, I’m happy to be spending Thanksgiving with a beloved friend this year — in fact, one of my (many) sisters.
Yes, friends, I grew up an only child, yet I have sisters and brothers of various kinds. How can that be? When you put together being adopted (by a woman who had a 12-year-old son), with divorce and re-marriage (thus, two step-sibs) and then adoption reunion with biological parents (who each had had other children), you get a veritable potpourri of family!
My biological father had left a marriage and a young son when he met my biological mother. I met that young son — my half-brother Mike — when we were in our 30s. I also met his wife Anne. We stayed in good touch over the years when I was raising children. Although Anne and Mike divorced a few years ago, I have remained very close with both of them…and it is Anne — technically my ex-sister-in-law?? — who is coming up to my mountain cottage tomorrow.
Just hangin’ with Anne Lamott!
I am wildly blessed with amazing family, and many fiercely loyal, dear friends…and for that I am so very thankful. I have also had the unique experience of navigating three years of living solitude, which has etched my blessings into bolder relief. I hope you’re with someone you love this holiday — even if that person is “just” yourself.
I’ll close by sharing a blessing our daughter Eve learned in kindergarten. It is perfectly suited to the function of a blessing as explained by Anne Lamott in her new book Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers. As we say a blessing before we eat, Lamotte writes, “For a minute, our stations are tuned to a broader, richer radius. We’re acknowledging that this food didn’t just magically appear: Someone grew it, ground it, bought it, baked it; wow.”
Before the flour the mill,
before the mill the grain,
before the grain,
the sun, the earth, the rain:
the beauty of God’s will.
Holidays With A New Baby (or, How to Keep the Thanks in Thanksgiving)
For anyone who becomes a mother within nine months of a major holiday season (and, taking into account all of the holidays within every faith and cultural tradition, that means almost everybody!) I have a radical idea for you: Simplify your idea of how the holidays will look this year. Better yet, let yourself let someone ELSE handle everything. That way, your holidays with a new baby can be marked by joy, connection and peace — just as they’re meant to be! (more…)
Angry Parents
No, Angry Parents isn’t the latest game application for your smartphone, it’s one of the biggest challenges we face when raising children! When we find ourselves as angry parents, it shifts the entire connection dynamic with our kids, and within ourselves. It isn’t a place we want to be, as totally understandable as it is. There are tools that can help us develop more mastery over our own anger, and create more ease and confidence in our parenting.
It is helpful to keep in mind that most of the time, anger is simply a disguise for another feeling. A somewhat overly simplified slogan is nevertheless instructive: mad is really sad. I would add that mad is very often hurt, or some variation. (more…)
Navigating Stress in Pregnancy
The brain development needed to equip an individual with the kinds of qualities needed for peace and prosperity — self-regulation, creative innovation, mental flexibility, robust will — begins during pregnancy, and it isn’t just diet and lifestyle choices that influence it. A pregnant woman’s thoughts and moods have a significant impact upon the brain development of her baby in the womb.
Stress in pregnancy is associated with a daunting list of bad outcomes, but some basic “perception hygiene” can help pregnant moms navigate this reality. While I’m confident that scientists will soon “prove” what so many wisdom traditions and cultures have long known about the role of joy in optimally prenatal development, what we do now know for sure is that a pregnant mother’s chronic stress has enduring negative effects upon the developing fetal brain. (more…)
Preventing Prematurity Early: The Stress Connection
It is good news that the rate of premature birth is down in the U.S. by about 1% from its 2006 high of 12.8%. It is bad news that one out of eight babies born in America (11.7%) is born too soon. With World Prematurity Awareness Day tomorrow, there is a flurry of coverage of the Lancet’s report about five proven strategies to reduce preterm birth. But nowhere is there mention of the solid research about preventing prematurity early in pregnancy! (more…)
Rethinking Adoption in the 21st Century
For generations, formal adoption in America consisted overwhelmingly of white babies who were born to white, unwed women and were parented by white, married couples. Our laws, policies, practices, attitudes and understanding were based on that reality – and yet adoption in the 21st century has changed quite radically. The demographics of adopted children – and the characteristics of expectant and prospective parents – no longer look anything like the ones for whom the institution was first created. (more…)
“Out of Everydayness”: How Adoption is Unique
Before getting my degree and writing Parenting for Peace, my previous body of work explored the psychological and social issues in adoption. Understanding how adoption is unique can help bring healing and wholeness to everyone involved. Last weekend, as I basked in Hawaii’s soothing trade winds and the wisdom being shared at the Mid-Pacific Conference on Birth & Primal Health Research, I was inspired by the uniquely Hawaiian concepts of hanai and ‘ohana. These have to do with family connections that expand and expand, without anyone losing one’s own history. (more…)
