Archive for the ‘Parenting for Peace’ Category
One of the most frequent questions I get is, How do I get my child to listen to me? What lingers in the roots just beneath this question is, How do I get her to respect me? The two are intimately entwined. As so often happens with Life’s sticky questions, sometimes we can unstick things a bit by turning the question around: rather than How can I get my child to listen to me, we can get far more traction with How can I make myself more “listenable”?
The fact is, you can never “make” your child do or be anything! Oh sure, we’re lulled into the comforting illusion that we can during the very early years, when their sheer existence and protection depends upon us in very basic ways (not to mention we’re way bigger than them!). (more…)
Tags: adolescence, bossiness, discipline, meditation, respect, teens
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Along with the cascade of benefits that most Mothering readers already know comes with vaginal birth, new research from Yale has identified yet another: vaginal birth triggers the expression of a protein in baby’s brain cells that optimizes development of the hippocampus — an area central to such “complex behaviors in the adult” as learning, memory, and stress response. C-section delivery may actually impair this protein’s expression.
I find it of interest that earlier this year another study came out linking early nurturing by mothers with larger hippocampal regions in school-aged children. And while the Yale study is very preliminary — using mice, not humans — to me it all points to a notion I hold dear: Nature has an elegant plan for the unfolding of optimal human intelligence (including the required brain structures to mediate that intelligence), and it involves such quaintly natural things as birthing through the birth canal and letting mothers closely nurture their young ones! {Please continue reading at mothering.com}
Tags: birth, brain development, breast milk, breastfeeding, C-section, vaginal birth
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Four Ideas for Simplifying Life While Enriching Education
I’ll start by apologizing for even mentioning the BTS-word while summer is still (imho) in full flower. But by now it’s a quaint, old-fashioned notion that vacation extends until Labor Day — ha! These days some students have to devote that three-day weekend to cranking out their first papers or projects.
In my day [best stated in crochety, old-lady voice], we were very excited for back-to-school, in large part, I think, because summer’s pace was soooooo much slower than it tends to be these days. There weren’t all the summer programs, the series of vacations, the catch-up tutoring. There were long, hot days filled with swimming, catching pollywogs, reading comics and Nancy Drew, and walking to the corner store for candy. Maybe a horseback riding or dance lesson sprinkled in occasionally, or a family outing to the river. Rinse and repeat, for 75 days, and you are ready for the refreshing rigor of school. {Read more at mothering.com}
Tags: art, back-to-school, education, extracurriculars, imagination, media, puberty, simplicity, stress, teens
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When my son and daughter were in school, every June when summer vacation came I used to let out an audible sigh of relief. For one thing, I’m not a natural early bird, but for all of the years of our kids’ infancy and toddlerhood I was of course required to act like one! Once both children were in school, we were all happy to retire the alarm clock when summer arrived — or at least reset it for a more leisurely time.
But I remember the Waldorf teachers often urging us as we set off for summer, “Keep the form.” Meaning, keep some rhythm and structure to the days, even though school is no longer the primary organizing principle. (Some ideas on that in a moment.) *** Read the rest of this post at mothering.com ***
Images:
Petrov Escarião under its Creative Commons license
kevin dooley under its Creative Commons license
OakleyOriginals under its Creative Commons license
Tags: learning, relaxation, rhythm, scheduling, vacation, Waldorf education
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It’s hard to think of a baby being violent or destructive, but the seeds of violence may be planted before a child is born, according to research at the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing.
Research carried out there and reported last fall in the journal Aggression and Violent Behavior suggests that attention to health factors during prenatal development could prevent violence in later life. Citing recent research demonstrating a biological basis of crime, article author and Penn nursing assistant professor Jianghong Liu explains, “‘Biological’ does not mean only genetic factors, but also health factors, such as nutritional deficiency and lead exposure, which influence biological processes.”
To read more, please see rest of post at mothering.com.
Source:
ScienceDaily
Image:
mahalie under its Creative Commons license
Tags: epigenetics, pregnancy, prenatal development, prenatal epigenetics, violence
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A mother’s attachment to her baby often begins long before birth. By the last trimester many mothers feel like they know their babies, having been enjoying for months their familiar, reassuring movements in the womb.
But what about fathers? What are their experiences during those wondrous nine months? How does the attachment process begin for them? Is a father’s only option to look on with wonder (and sometimes envy) at the beautiful relationship forming between his once-doting partner and this tiny interloper? 
Is it the extent of his calling to act as back-rubber, chauffeur and coach? Do these “staff support” roles reflect the monumental potential influence fathers have in their family’s life? (more…)
Tags: attachment, fatherhood, fathers, hospital birth, oxytocin, pregnancy, prenatal development, testosterone
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As I watched the solar transit of Venus this week, it was a vivid reminder of one of the most important Parenting for Peace qualities: wonder.
A fundamental need of the young child until around seven is an atmosphere in harmony with his natural impulse to celebrate beauty and feel reverence and awe about almost everything. But what does our culture do in this techno-materialist age? We foist upon even the youngest child a flat world of facts and commentary. At a time when the child most needs wonder and reverence, we explain away all sense of the miraculous (more…)
Tags: addiction, cynicsim, early education, parenting, reverence, stimulation, Venus transit, wonder
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This morning on The View they shared the story of a mother who was arrested for throttling a boy who had allegedly texted unspeakably awful things to her daughter (including — and I’m surely not getting this exactly correct, so pardon my paraphrase — “you’re so ugly I wouldn’t even rape you”). Evidently his tirade of abusive texts had been going on for some time, and the daughter had made anguished comments to her mother that hinted at possible self-harm. When Mom and daughter happened to see this boy at the mall one day…and evidently with sangfroid he reported he was not going to stop the cyber-bullying…well, if you’re a mother, you can probably imagine how she felt as she ended up with her hands around his neck.
That very ability, to imagine it — the feelings of a mother whose child is being mercilessly bullied and whose repeated attempts to get their school’s attention and help, to no avail — that is empathy: (more…)
Tags: attachment parenting, breastfeeding, Bruce Perry, bullying, cyber-bullying, empathy, sociopathy, Time magazine, violence
Posted in Parenting for Peace | 3 Comments »
I was taken by the crucible called motherhood a quarter-century ago: my son Ian turns twenty-five today. The baby who was born smack on his auspicious due-date (seven-eleven!) arrived to find a mother in emotional disarray, to say the least. I have said it countless times, in keynote talks…classes for grad students…casual conversations…and even in my book: Motherhood brought me to my knees. Cracked me open. Excavated me. {
