Posts Tagged ‘authoritative parenting’

10 Things to Stop Saying to Your Kids (And What to Say Instead)

I include many guidelines about what to say and what not to say to your children in my book Parenting for Peace, but have never gathered them into one user-friendly post. And yet many parents find this level of specificity (“Say this, do not say this”) to be the most helpful of all. It is often the “way in” to a deeper understanding of the nuances and philosophy underlying the seven Parenting for Peace principles. (Yikes — I just realized that in a year of blogging since my book came out, I’ve yet to write a post just about the seven principles. Hard to believe! That will be coming soon…)

Immediate honesty: I didn’t write this post! I’m still in recuperation mode from my NY family trip so figured this was a way to hook you up with excellent content while still getting my suitcases unpacked, my daughter’s UPS boxes stored away, and my INbox whittled down. This is a post on Lifehacker by Shelly Phillips that I heartily endorse. I would like to have written it! And not only is the post itself excellent, but the discussion following is a little mind-blowing. Some of the comments…! Perhaps I should stop wishing for more comments to my posts, or else I’ll get some like these. (I know it’s great to have lively dialogue, but puh-leeze…!) So here you go:

10 Things to Stop Saying to Your Kids (And What to Say Instead)
by Shelly Phillips


Ease Parenting Stress Through Mastery

“I had to love her enough to let her hate me.” It was a stunning and very wise thing that Carol Burnett said to the ladies on The View. Burnett said she was scared of her daughter — of saying the wrong thing, making her angry, pushing her away. (She was talking about her late daughter Carrie’s three-year struggle with addiction when she was a teen.)

While Burnett’s situation was extreme, her experience isn’t unusual. Scared, stressed-out parenting has become epidemic: many parents today feel overwhelmed and under-adequate. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Navigating life with kids as a series of crisis management incidents and tactical maneuvers. Not only is that an unpleasant way to live, research shows that parental stress reduces children’s wellbeing. A powerful antidote for stress is action, when it cultivates mastery. (more…)

AuthoritaTIVE Parenting, Not AuthoritaRIAN Parenting

I talk a lot in my lectures and coaching sessions about the child’s need for our calm, loving authority as parents. Let me clarify loud and clear that I mean authoritative parenting, not authoritarian parenting! In the authoritarian style of parenting, children’s unquestioning obedience is the goal — a short-sighted approach on every level, including optimally healthy development of the child’s social brain, which is the polestar of parenting for peace.

Authoritative parentingAuthoritative parenting takes a longer view and is marked by the parents’ decisive yet respectful leadership role and their focus on connection, and builds an ever-deepening bond of loving trust between them and their children. It features the parent as a calm, loving authority figure who is grounded in his or her life, which is not balanced on the child as its fulcrum. (more…)