Looking for more parenting peace and harmony? Less stress, fewer meltdowns and more joy? Look no further…but do look, because this features videos!
Our children learn first and foremost by example — our example. The latest brain science reveals that the circuitry of children’s social brains wires up to mirror their parents’ social-emotional brain functioning. This begins in a very direct, biological manner in infancy, and continues through adolescence.
For this and many other reasons related to the potent teaching power of models, a fruitful question to ask yourself, ideally beginning even before you have a child, is “Am I worthy of my child’s unquestioning imitation?” Daunting, yes. But it’s best to realize early on that whether or not you can answer “Yes” to this question, what you see in the mirror is to a great extent what you will see in your child. And, most likely in your child as an adult.
But don’t despair: Nature seems to have built in a special mechanism that allows us to give our children a fighting chance to surpass us. If our children’s potential was constrained by the limitations of our own accomplishment, we’d be doomed! We’d have to wait until our sixties, seventies, eighties — or maybe never — before we’d feel prepared to be parents. Nature has brilliantly built into the system that our children most powerfully respond to our inner life, and especially to the mental force that results when we continually strive to be more connected, sane and centered.
This means that we have the opportunity to serve as their launching pad for surpassing us into higher realms of accomplishment, social intelligence, and joyous self-mastery. Here are three quick primers that will help you rise to the occasion:
Shifting to Peace from a Negative Mindset
Whatever you surround yourself with becomes a shaping force on your very being — an in turn, on your child’s newly shaping being.
What we put our attention on increases. When we focus on the positive — beauty, possibility, enjoyment — just as when we zero in on the negative — criticism, losses, everything that’s wrong—it’s like putting water and fertilizer on it, making either the positive or the negative flourish and multiply. This isn’t just fuzzy “power of attraction” stuff, this is also Brain Function 101: when we tune our attention in a certain way — either positively or negatively — we initiate a flow of biochemicals that carve brain pathways for more neurons to travel down that same pathway in the next minute, hour, day, year. Our attitude and focus also create a subconscious template of perception that filters the millions of incoming bits of life’s information and captures those bits that match our initial proposition.
There are many simple and effective ways to do a “pattern interrupt” on spiraling negativity, whether it’s sadness, stress, anger or whatever — and each time we make a choice to exit that negative brain pathway, we rewrite old operating programs we don’t want, and install healthier ones. Here are a few that are tried and true: (See video titled “Shifting negative feelings to positive feelings“)
So sorry! Kidsinthehouse.com has a terrible glitch in their embed codes, which “disappears” the videos unexpectedly! Click on links see the videos. (I think they let you watch one and then register with your email.)
Parenting Peace via a Shift in Worldview
Parenting Peace through Confidence
When working with parents in a coaching context, what usually arises is the importance of the parents’ calm, loving authority: it allows children to relax and become less…”difficult.” This is frequently where the key work lies. An image that has developed over my years of navigating this territory with parents-in-progress is this: “Grow Bigger Shoulders.”
Tags: anger, child behavior, mindfulness, paradigm, parent self-compassion, parent stress
