Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Digital Dependence & Parental Anxiety: Keeping Trust Alive

Wednesday, June 7th, 2017

Digital Dependence, Parental Anxiety and Trust | Marcy Axness, PhD
Parenting is a daunting safari into the unknown. It is a safari that will routinely lead you beyond the reach of the techno-savvy that has us convinced we can figure out and control everything in our lives. So for many, it’s a safari into parental anxiety.

What can you do about parental anxiety? Develop your own personal anxiety antidote: TRUST. A powerful antidote for parental anxiety, trust connects you to an unparalleled source of strength, paradoxically called “surrender”–perhaps the most important resources in your parenting toolbox! Along with a good supply of onesies, I counsel expectant parents to invest in and actively build their “trust fund.”

I define trust as “calm reliance upon processes outside of your immediate perception and control”; it is one of the seven principles that weave through my book Parenting for Peace. For those of us weaned on the information revolution, trust is probably the most subversive P4P principle of them all. When it isn’t overwhelming us, our instant access to infinite amounts of data on any topic has us convinced that by virtue of our techno-savvy, we can indeed figure out and be in charge of every aspect of our lives.

But Life will always manage to outrun your techno-management, trust me.

Prevent Parental Anxiety: Build Your “Trust Fund”

Begin now, I tell new parents, to cultivate a fond taste for mystery and the unfathomable. (more…)

Feeling Stalled… Blah… Lifeless?

Friday, March 20th, 2015

Depending on where you live, here comes that season when we’re reminded to trust that even the most dead-looking thing may have vibrant life brewing inside.

This speaks strongly to me: occasionally in the past year, I have felt worried or discouraged about how “unproductive” I was. The pace I had set for growing the wings of Parenting for Peace and spreading it ever more widely had seemed to slow to an idle. Important P4P projects and programs loitered in the waiting rooms of my imagination.

What happened to the fire in my belly? Where went my ambition to send P4P soaring throughout the world?? When those questions would come nipping at the edges of my psyche, I did my best to engage P4P Principle #6, TRUST — trust that all was well in the big picture, and reasons for the “stasis” would reveal themselves within a meaningful context at some point.

This is how it goes in parenting… intimate relationships… and in almost every aspect of your child’s unfolding. There are cycles of lulls and leaps throughout. Ebb and flow. We do well to abide, and to trust.

Trust the Lulls of Life

In musing on this, it occurs to me — remember how things looked during the early weeks of your child’s growth in the womb? From the outside, I mean. Other than maybe frequent dashes to the toilet (thank goodness I was spared active nausea!), things looked pretty much… same old same old. Nothin’ much happening.

And yet the most momentous things were happening unseen, deep inside. Like in the branches of that tree above! Life was at work, invisibly weaving an unfathomably intricate series of cellular events with miniscule error margins in timing, placement, and motion. (Reflecting upon embryonic development is a great antidote for those times when I feel like I’ve got to steer the ship of my life and control the ocean tides as well!)

There are times when inner streams of growth require so much energy and life force that there isn’t much left for outer streams of “doing-ness.” Things seem stagnant, sometimes frighteningly so. There’s the ebb.

Our culture doesn’t much celebrate the ebb. It’s all about flow — go, go, go, no matter how un-flowish you’re feeling. But when we can respect the natural ebbs… and trust in the cycles of Life… we invite in the most robust flows.

If you’re feeling like something is inexplicably lifeless or stalled out in your life, you might find my little riff during a recent call with Coaching & Care Circle members to be encouraging:

 

Are there places in your life that feel blah or like things just aren’t happening the way you were hoping / expecting / planning? If so, try out this mantra: Abide, and trust.
My wish for you is to rejoice in the whispery hints of Life’s unstoppable power working everywhere, even when you can’t quite see or make sense of it.

HeartCoral

Meanwhile, if there are patterns of behavior your child may need a bit of “gentle nudging” to flow beyond, be sure to grab your  free copy of my “7-Step Guide: Helping Your Child Release Stuck Behaviors” ebooklet  up there! RedArrowShortUpRT

Or go here to find it. This is a unique, powerful tool for parents to use with children of all ages!

 

Got Trust? The Antidote for Insecurity & Stress

Wednesday, April 16th, 2014

One fundamental intention in parenting for peace is to foster trust and hope within your child from the very beginning. When we nurture trust in our children’s souls, it can unfold into an unending arc of confidence — in themselves, in you, in their fellow humans, in Life.

By trust I mean a calm reliance upon things that you cannot necessarily perceive much less control. (What a quaint notion in this era when we can perceive pretty much everything by virtue of our many technological devices!)

Insecurity, the antithesis of trust, carries a scent akin to fear — it repels and undermines the connection and collaboration required to be a person of peace and innovation. By contrast, trust is the great attractor; it is possible to tame the most powerful forces simply with deep and abiding trust.

Spring Simplicity Series

But how do we foster trust within our children if we ourselves suffer from a drastic lack of trust? After all, our children learn mostly from how we are rather than things we say. Here are a few tried and true ways to fill your inner reservoir of trust. {Read more at mothering.com}

How to Trust in a Wired World

Wednesday, March 6th, 2013

How to Trust in a Wired World | Marcy Axness PhDAlong with a good supply of onesies, I routinely counsel expectant parents to stock up on trust. Parenting is a daunting safari into the unknown, and trust is the anxiety antidote when life outruns the reach of our techno-savvy that has us convinced we can figure out and control everything in our lives.

I define trust as “calm reliance upon processes outside of your immediate perception and control,” and it is one of the seven principles that weave through my book Parenting for Peace. For those of us weaned on the information revolution, trust is probably the most subversive P4P principle of them all. When it isn’t overwhelming us, our instant access to infinite amounts of data on any topic has us convinced that by virtue of our techno-savvy, we can indeed figure out and be in charge of every aspect of our lives.

But Life will always manage to outrun your techno-management, trust me. (more…)

What Impairs Attachment, and Who Repairs Attachment?

Sunday, October 7th, 2012

What Impairs Attachment?

What Impairs Attachment, and Who Repairs Attachment?A big pet peeve of mine is the label “attachment disorder.” This is a diagnosis given to kids who have typically experienced severe disruption in the natural order of what should have been the effortless, instinctual connection we’re designed to make from the very beginning. They were prepared at the level of their brains, their hormones and their entire sensing organism to connect, to be skin-to-skin with oxytocin flowing and weaving the powerful bonding foundations for healthy attachment. They expected to connect.

Many children with the most severe cases of “attachment disorder” had this expectation crushed in the most primal way. Can you think of a time when you were totally, ecstatically primed for a connection and it for whatever reason did not happen? Or it happened and then went away without warning or explanation? I’m speaking here of a romantic situation. Remember the disappointment, the deflation of your entire being? Now take that feeling and multiply it by an order of magnitude of a thousand. Ten thousand. As if there was nothing to you but that deflation, that floor pulled out from beneath you. As if the floor pulled out from beneath you was you. (more…)

Raising Secure Kids in a Scary World: Talking to Children About Tragedy

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Eleven years since 9/11.

Eleven years ago last night, our daughter Eve — then ten years old — was so excited that the next morning she was going to wake up by herself for the very first time, using the radio alarm clock we had given her for the occasion. She chose the station carefully (classical was it? maybe soft pop?), but when the radio clicked on at six a.m. in her Los Angeles bedroom it wasn’t music that woke her up. The second plane had just hit its target. Nobody yet had clarity on what was happening, let alone the news media. A fragmented noise skein of unfathomable facts, disbelief, sorrow, and fear came out of the radio that morning. {Read the rest of this post at mothering.com}

A Sober Look at Neonatal Care ~ Foundations of Violence?

Tuesday, June 19th, 2012

With barbeque grills across the country barely cooled off from Father’s Day, I’m reflecting on the pre-release screening I attended last week of Janel Mirendah’s film The Other Side of the Glass — a birth film for and about fathers. Its chilling glimpse of hospital neonatal care protocols has important implications for the idea of raising a generation of peacemakers.

The U.S. mentality for every problem is to go to war: the war on poverty, the war on cancer, the war on drugs, the war on child abuse, the war on terror, begins with the experience of birth imprinted in our neural system. –Janel Mirenda, filmmaker

To read more of this post, please see it at mothering.com.